I Hate My Mom.

journal entry #4
Sometimes i really hate my life. its amazing how one person can change everything. in this case from happy/neutral to tearshedding outrage + anger (on my part). + obviously i'm talking about my mom. she is so full of bullshit and evil. i don't know how the world could produce such a thing. i know kids that say that say they hate their parents but they really don't they're just saying it. simple everyday annoyances do not count for you to hate them. that's normal. like my dad can be annoying but i still love him. always will.

i know you probably hate/strongly dislike the fact that i honestly hate her but you just don't know her or what i've gone through. i'm not persuading you to hate her or anything, this is just a post. (it's funny cus all my friends are scared of her lol) Do you really think i haven't thought long and hard about it. ofcourse i have! & it is so hard. no child wants to hate their mom. but i've denied it for so long and by the time i realized it, i couldn't keep lying to myself. i've given her so many chances of being a better person but i just end up dissapointing myself. things will never change. this is just the way it is.

i hate that everything i do i wrong.
i hate that my mom favors my brother.
i hate that i can never depend on her.
i hate that she doesn't act like a mom.
i hate that she's delusional.
i hate that she punishes me for no reason.
i hate that she thinks shes always right.
i hate that she lies to me.
i hate that she thinks i'm a liar.
i hate that she never listens.
i hate that i can never go out or enjoy myself when shes around.
i hate that she drives me crazy.
i hate that my dad won't defend me.
i hate that my brother makes the situation worse.
i hate that she makes me depressed.
i hate that she makes me feel guilty.
i hate that she thinks i'm a bad person.
i hate that she can never change.

She has also gone to a tharapist before cuz appearently she went all insane after my parents got married but that clearly did not work. you can probably conclude thats she is insane. which she definately is. who makes thier daughter wakeup 2 in the morning on the first day of school to wash dishes. & the best part: FOR NO REASON. although i wouldn't wish for her to die or anything. non-existance or divource would be just fine. (but that's not gonna happen anytime soon.) and i feel urber-ly depressed today. it's funny that it's groundhog day.

Superstar (the movie)

journal entry #3
btw for my art of the theatre final i played Helen from the movie Superstar[so funny!]. i wished i taped it :( i quite enjoyed my character and skit all together. it was very fun. i recomend that you watch it. at first i didn't really like it because of the weirdly perverted scenes but i watched it acouple more times and some of the scenes are pretty genius!

favourite lines:
Helen: Sky's a single slice of beefcake now! plus he's on the rebound. it's like so obvious that you two are gonna hook up!
Mary: You really think so?
Helen: Remember? Sky said you had nice moves which means he was looking at ur body, meaning he think's ur do-able. so basically he just asked you to sleep with him.

Mary: oh my god. this relationship's moving too fast.

some favourite scenes:
Supermodel documentary hour scene

helen is the red head.

I'm not a slut!

& mary is crazy..

Ugh.

journal entry #2

thursday was the most stressful school-related day of my life. it was so unbarable i was seriously gonna lose it. i hate dissapointing people but most of all i hate dissabpointing myself. that night i had less than 3 hours of sleep (i slept @3 in the morning) and i tried so hard to get everything done but it was so overwhelming the amount of work i got. first off my teachers don't follow the rules of test days (certain classes have tests for even/odd days), so i had a test/quiz for every single one of my majors along with that i had a lab, an essay, workbooks, worksheets, and a project all due that friday. are they insane?! even for each class separately that was a lot. i was seriously about to cry.

so friday came, i got acouple things done. but i just couldn't go to class. so i just stayed in the librbay all morning. the only reason why i even showed up at school was to go to art of the theatre which i really didn't mind going to since i enjoy it. but that day was the last class of the semester so my group had to present our final & they can't do it without me. anyway i thought it went really well. my group was going into it really unprepared but we improvised some parts (which is totally fine) and i'm really happy with how it turned out!

although my friend jared really did not like it even hearing from our hard-grading teacher that it was in the A range. he was just really upset because he accidently came in too early. he's really serious about this class and is really self-dissaplined but he shouldn't have expressed it so harshly. i absorb emotions really easily. and that angry frustrated feeling was not good. so after class, mid-school day i left. i don't ususally skip classs but

that day was just not good.

Soho

a few of the pictures i took as i was crusin around.

the streets of Soho:

yea. i had to put in obama!

biker's lane.

i love these stairs!

window display

i love soho. it's probably my favourite part of new york. the window displays are always ecclectic and artisticly put together. i love the old buildings with thier rundown architecture and and antique details. soho is no doubt a work of art. (all pictures are my own.)

Thanksgiving & Black Friday in NYC.

ok. obviously this is late lol but i started my blog in december so..don't blame me... anyway. i guess it wouldn't be a tradtion if it was just started 2 years ago but i'm sure that this tradition will definately continue. since my family has enjoyed it imensly. so since my mom has been "extremely" busy with her new resturant and has not been able to spend at much time at home doing homey things. aka no cooking AT ALL. SO it was obvious we weren't going to have a normal thanksgiving dinner like the previous years. but, insted my dad thought that taking a vacation to new york would be the best way to enjoy the thanksgiving break. DAMN. was he right. i'm inlove with new york. & black fridays call for intense bargin hunting & the imfamous christmas shopping. where else but the shopping capital of the world! i found everything i needed for each and every one of my friends & family. and i'm so glad most of them i was able to make so personal! (haul #2)

things i got for my friends & the fam:

"Crocked rain, Crocked rain" CD by Pavement, Fantastic purfume, Ikea cookies ($3.25), Coka-cola salt & pepper shakers {can i say nifty!?} ($14), Rolling Stones alarm clock ($15), drum & guitar Mug stuffed with truffles ($6), cell-phone charm($3), purple mascara + lipgloss($11), knit hat from h&m ($3.50) graphic mug($5), Jumbo NY Mug ($7), Masaki Matsushima roll on purfume ($16)

adding everything together i spent on average less than $12 each. not bad. not gonna lie. i'm pretty good at finding deals.

Gift ideas: get mugs and stuff them with truffles or packets of hot cocoa or whatever else you prefer. & you can get these really cute and cheap ones at ikea for only 50CENTS!!! ------->

talking about christmas presents, i hate when people ask you what you want for christmas. like you've known me for a while now (maybe years)...you KNOW what i like or what i'd be interested in. GOD. the thing about christmas morning is that it's exciting because of the suprises they bring. it would be a bummer if i already knew. but whatever, some of my guy friends are still stupid and cannot think for themsleves! (just in that area! lol)

if you are one of those people. here's a tip. obviously think about what they're interested in. but also think deeper about previous conversations you've had with them. maybe there's something you'd think they'd want to try or be interested in. If you can't, you can juat get a box of chocolates or cookies as a last resort. if they end up not liking those kinds of things well then... you're screwd. it is pretty cliché, so try to be creative and thoughtful.

planning on going to ny sometime? places to check out:

in Time sq.:

Virgin Moble Mega Store, mtv store, Billabong, element stores

others:

Flushing Mall

[in flushing chinatown]-amazing chinese/taiwanese food court & you have to check out this store called Banzai 99cent they sell the cutest little things at good prices!
Soho
FASHION Boutique & big name brand CENTRAL.

Canal St.

bargin purfumes, jewelry, i♥ny products & other trinckets for really cheap.

but beware of counterfit purfumes! make sure you know what the certian one your looking for smells like and they usually open it up for you so look carefully!

but if you ask me. Time Sq. is really all you need. don't forget the local suvineer stores!

New Year, New Resolutions

late. & i don't know why this took a long time to write but.....HAPPY 2009!!! i hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and you got what you had wished for. :]i'm always glad when the new year come around. You get this extended break & during that time you can rest and catch up on the unfinished things but best of all create a fresh start. all these years my priorities have always to attempt to satisfy my parents especially my dad since i really look up to him. but since i went thourgh this really deep depression phase the end of last school year and the beginning of this school year. things have changed a lot. especially my lifestyle. but i'll go deeper into those shenanigans later. but since i've seen my psycologist i've gotten a lot better (in 3 months!) and i don't feel the need to see my psycologist anymore! so thats exciting.

my previous goals for the last 2 years were so cliche. basiacally just to be sucessful in school. yea. didn't happen. my grades were inconsistent and still flexuated from a C to a B+. so that failed (well the C part. I'm ok with a B).

Basically, now i have a totally new mindset. it's not about making others happy. it's about making yourself happy by bettering yourself or doing the things you've always wanted to do. usually you'll think just about the BIG picture. and thats a big step. and when you look at it and you try to achive it, it's kind of overwhelming. so its better to just think about the steps to get there. baby steps is what really make the difference. thinking it in that way makes it more effective into actually happening. lol.

my goals for 2009:

community service: i haven't started yet but i'm looking around for things i'd actually enjoy doing and not just working at some library cause it's easy and i want to get it over with. so i've looked into pet shelters and soup kitchens and i'm really excited to start applying! i'll tell you how that goes but it'll probably start around spring when it's warmer.

school: ~be more organized. -makes a huge difference!
~only dedicate 1 1/2 hours to procrastination (a reasonable amount of time)on school days like surffing the web (you know what i mean). eliminating it completely would be too much to ask for.

~start homework earlier. usually i'd nap when i came home i'd lose track of time and it would be 8 o'clock!

~ask teachers for help! i remember doing it last year and it was a life saver! i don't know why i stopped but i'm definately getting back to that (because i am a slow learner lol). tip. a lot of teachers like it when you come after school so it gives a boost on what they think about you. basically you'll be much appreciated.

my attitude: lately i've been really bitter and quick tempered. no doubt i got it from my mom. so i'm really gonna try and...not do that. like the peaceful person that i am haha.

that's all i can think of right now. but if there's more i will update. :]

upcoming posts/projects i'd like to cover this year:

• 2008's favourite products of the year
• my dog, cats, and turtles
• music preference
• journal entries
• t.v. shows
• photography
• the sexy hair list
• quote entries (from my Quote book. yes i have one of those..)
• childhood stories
• and ofcourse fashion, makeup, & everything else that inspires me and makes me happy :)

ofcourse there will be more. i'd also like to get to making youtube videos and vlogs just to compliment this blog and to make it more personal. & sorry posts are comming out so slowly!! i just wanted to get this one over with so i can move on to the 5 other drafts that i already typed up! so more to come!& congradulations to OBAMA. i'm am so excited for the up comming 4 years (hopefully 8?)!

Snowboarding...

journal entry #1

so i basically wanted to share the most brutal experience of my life (so far). so a couple days ago during winter break was my first time snowboarding. i was pretty much forced into doing it since i got a hand-me-down snowboard from my brother and my dad taught it would be a good experience to try something new......wrong. i could already tell that i was gonna really...well..FAIL (and suffer). looking at the other snowboarders i could tell it took a lot of coordination. A LOT. & i lack in that area along with a weak skinny body. so um to save money...lol, my brother taught me. but i kinda prefered that. so anyway it is super uncomfortable traveling around with a snowboard strapped around one of your feet. i looked like an alien with a snowboard. it was so foreign and awkward for my body it was so...ughh. well yea so people stared. and let me tell you how hard it is to get off the skii lift...damn hard. so your trying to balance off the little hill but your really tempted to put ur foot down on the snow cuz you want to slow down but that ends up making you fall...but i consistantly kept doing that. and it took me 45-1hour to go down this kind of a mellow but tall hill. and god was it scary. my brother was pretty good at trying to teaching me all the basics but it was just me who couldn't really do them...all i could do was literally turn left (into the woods)...and fall. every 5 seconds i would fall it was super annoying and painful! my shins, knees, BUTT, and back and all sore & brused. and this is pathetic but somtimes i would get up, lose my balance, and fall back down again. jeez. and it is SO hard and frustraing to get up. it's easiest to to get up by the knees and push up. but sometimes to do that you have to flip over. FLIP OVER. what a hassel. and by the next day still sore and dizzy, i noticed that my bicepts were sore too...odd...i hadn't fallen on my arms...but then i realized it was the entire muscle that was sore and it was because of all those 50 times i had to push my self up! WOW. i know.

i'm pretty good at skiing not gonna lie but snowboarding... is whole different story. if your naturally picked up snowboarding, you have no idea how jealous i am. if your weak and slow like me you'll prabably have an extremely painful...workout! (sorry about the ramble!) ~your first experiences??