The Mental Storm Ain't Over.

Journal Entry #13haha! isn't this great?

SAT Madness by Sarah858

Alright, so I’ve finally found the time to blog. I came home early Thursday morning, and um let’s just say my lifestyle from here on has completely changed. No, I have not found enlightenment, but mid-camp my parents received my report card and it was anything but good news. I mean I guess I was pretty disappointed in myself too because I had worked so hard 4th quarter but for the overall grade it can only help so much. Ugh, I really don’t understand why though. For all my classes I did all the make-up work, extra credits, came to teachers after school if I didn’t understand something, & study my ass off for tests! WHY DOESN’T IT ADD UP!? I guess this year I have to make a good impression from the start and keep it up. So, right when I came back my parents decided to take action. They went psycho lecturing me on how I can’t screw up this year. I mean I don’t want to either but I don’t think they fully understand that my nature is to be slow not just when I work but when I think. It’s a curse from the gods okay. I hate being slow. I hate how homework always takes me twice as long as it should. I hate that my brain is slow processed so it’s really hard to digest information and memorize it. I hate everything about it! My dad thinks that I’m just doubting my abilities but I’m really not it’s the truth. So being all proactive, they made me read SAT prep books and made me take practice tests nonstop! Since the time my luggage first hit the floor of our house, they’d be sitting right next to me watching me turn the pages of that big fat book. You know what I learned? I learned that the SATs are dumb. That it doesn’t prepare you for the right college. And it’s just a god damn stressful competition with the rest of the nation. Yea, I’m complaining but I have to take it and one day I’ll loosen up and be positive about it when I take it so my negativity won’t bring me down. Plus I can always retake it. You know, my cousin got a perfect 2400 on her SATs and got a full scholarship to Duke University? She studies nonstop on her own. And her parents even worry that she studies too hard. Her mom’s always like “close the books & go to sleep!” Her name’s Felicia, and I’m really proud and happy for her but I could never live a life like that. I’d probably go into a depression studying that hard plus I wouldn’t remember it! Life in general is really hard. So much competition and a crave for a good status. All people care about these days is reputation. My dad went to Tufts and my mom went to Harvard. Sure, my dad is smart and really hard working but my mom? Honestly, she’s not smart. She got into that Ivy League b/c they saw “potential” in her and provided a scholarship also b/c she was from a third-world country. You see, this is called luck. She is really really lucky. At least she worked hard while she was there. But what I’m saying is, it shouldn’t matter what path you take as long as it takes you where you want to be. & that destination to most people is success. I was talking to a friend & he mentioned that people would unfortunately judge you for it. See what I mean? It’s all about status isn’t it?
I’m sorry for rambling! More posts soon.